| My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter | | | | You have to figure out what works for you. |
| who wanted to go to a winter retreat with her | | | | You may have to teach each child |
| church youth group last year. Price of trip - | | | | individually, because each is motivated |
| $45. I told her I'd talk to her dad about it. | | | | differently. If your children cheerfully hand |
| "HOW much is it?" he asked, "didn't she just | | | | over their allowance every time they don't |
| go somewhere with the youth group?" "Yes," I | | | | take out the garbage, you should take some |
| replied, "and also to two friends' birthday | | | | other privilege away. |
| parties. Another one is coming up this | | | | |
| weekend." We both agreed that was a lot of | | | | Resist the urge to give your children too |
| money for us to spend for our daughter to | | | | much allowance. Don't buy them things that |
| have fun with her friends. | | | | they can save money for themselves, like |
| | | | designer clothes, CD's, magazines, make up, |
| But the retreat was a church activity. So we | | | | video games, etc. Even young children can be |
| should have forked out the money for her go, | | | | taught to save for small things. Almost |
| right? Well, maybe. In the past year or so | | | | nothing makes me more sad than seeing |
| our daughter had made a lot of new friends | | | | children who take their allowances for |
| and had been asked to be involved in a lot of | | | | granted and never have to work for it. |
| new social activities. Last summer was the | | | | Parents aren't doing their children any |
| first year we could afford to let her go to | | | | favors by teaching them to expect everything |
| summer camp for a week. It pleased me more | | | | to be handed to them. We sacrifice, and they |
| than anything to tell her she could go. | | | | don't appreciate it. Why should they? They |
| | | | don't have anything to lose. |
| The more we've let our daughter go do things | | | | |
| with her friends, the more she takes those | | | | So did our daughter get to go on her retreat? |
| things for granted, and expects more. She | | | | We decided she could go if she paid $20 of |
| then resents doing something so menial as her | | | | the $45. She was not happy about it. She only |
| household chores. So now we make sure her | | | | gets $3 a week allowance, and she was saving |
| chores are done before she goes anywhere. | | | | her money for a new CD. She stewed about it |
| "Room's not clean, laundry not started? | | | | for awhile, and then forked over what money |
| Better hurry and do them before you go do | | | | she had. We worked out a payment schedule for |
| something with your friends. Don't have time? | | | | her to come up with the rest of the money |
| Then I guess you're out of luck." But that | | | | before the weekend of the retreat, and we let |
| was only the start. Whenever the attitude | | | | her do extra chores to earn a few more |
| starts in she's given a warning and then | | | | dollars. Are we guilty of child abuse? Our |
| privileges start being taken away, one by | | | | daughter thinks so, but her dad and I know |
| one. | | | | better. |
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