| My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter | | | | You have to figure out what works for you. You |
| who wanted to go to a winter retreat with her | | | | may have to teach each child individually, because |
| church youth group last year. Price of trip - $45. I | | | | each is motivated differently. If your children |
| told her I'd talk to her dad about it. "HOW much is | | | | cheerfully hand over their allowance every time |
| it?" he asked, "didn't she just go somewhere with | | | | they don't take out the garbage, you should take |
| the youth group?" "Yes," I replied, "and also to | | | | some other privilege away. |
| two friends' birthday parties. Another one is | | | | Resist the urge to give your children too much |
| coming up this weekend." We both agreed that | | | | allowance. Don't buy them things that they can |
| was a lot of money for us to spend for our | | | | save money for themselves, like designer clothes, |
| daughter to have fun with her friends. | | | | CD's, magazines, make up, video games, etc. |
| But the retreat was a church activity. So we | | | | Even young children can be taught to save for |
| should have forked out the money for her go, | | | | small things. Almost nothing makes me more sad |
| right? Well, maybe. In the past year or so our | | | | than seeing children who take their allowances for |
| daughter had made a lot of new friends and had | | | | granted and never have to work for it. Parents |
| been asked to be involved in a lot of new social | | | | aren't doing their children any favors by teaching |
| activities. Last summer was the first year we | | | | them to expect everything to be handed to |
| could afford to let her go to summer camp for a | | | | them. We sacrifice, and they don't appreciate it. |
| week. It pleased me more than anything to tell | | | | Why should they? They don't have anything to |
| her she could go. | | | | lose. |
| The more we've let our daughter go do things | | | | So did our daughter get to go on her retreat? |
| with her friends, the more she takes those things | | | | We decided she could go if she paid $20 of the |
| for granted, and expects more. She then resents | | | | $45. She was not happy about it. She only gets |
| doing something so menial as her household | | | | $3 a week allowance, and she was saving her |
| chores. So now we make sure her chores are | | | | money for a new CD. She stewed about it for |
| done before she goes anywhere. "Room's not | | | | awhile, and then forked over what money she |
| clean, laundry not started? Better hurry and do | | | | had. We worked out a payment schedule for her |
| them before you go do something with your | | | | to come up with the rest of the money before |
| friends. Don't have time? Then I guess you're out | | | | the weekend of the retreat, and we let her do |
| of luck." But that was only the start. Whenever | | | | extra chores to earn a few more dollars. Are we |
| the attitude starts in she's given a warning and | | | | guilty of child abuse? Our daughter thinks so, but |
| then privileges start being taken away, one by | | | | her dad and I know better. |
| one. | | | | |