| It's possible that most of us have never | | | | what to do, even though you know how to do it |
| known true intimacy from the moment we came | | | | better than he does--stop yourself. Stop |
| into the world. We've been labeled, taught, | | | | talking. See what happens.So what do you do |
| cajoled and prodded, been threatened by all | | | | when you've stopped talking? How do you |
| forms of authority, told what's true and what | | | | communicate anything? The simple answer is to |
| isn't, and disrespected for everything from | | | | use an "I feel" message. This sounds easy. In |
| our feelings to our thoughts. Our | | | | a book, it would sound easy. But it's |
| relationships have been more about pleasing | | | | probably something you don't really have |
| others than pleasing ourselves. More about | | | | words for. Starting with "I feel" is the |
| struggling and using our wits to get what we | | | | perfect start, but what then?Go with what's |
| need and what we think we want than | | | | really there. Feel the floor under your feet. |
| discovering what it is we really | | | | Feel the table in front of you. Feel your |
| want.Sometimes we need someone else to tell | | | | heart beat, you're stomach gurgle, the |
| us that it's okay to want what we want. | | | | tightness in your chest that's there because |
| Sometimes we only accidentally discover that | | | | you're mad, or upset, or frustrated, or |
| the person we really are, warts and all, | | | | giddy, and you don't know what to say. Feel |
| underneath all the masks and games we've | | | | the most concrete, real, simple thing you |
| learned to put between ourselves and others, | | | | can, and say that. Just saying, "I'm hungry" |
| is truly loveable. It can change our lives | | | | is better than "Let's go to that little |
| forever, or remain a lost opportunity | | | | Italian place, okay?"This is a game, you say. |
| forever. Someone sees us -- really sees us -- | | | | No, it isn't. It's the missing link. The |
| in a moment of accidental abandon and their | | | | missing piece that we never learned as |
| heart fills up with love for us. We deny this | | | | children. We learned how to get along, how to |
| possibility and push that someone away | | | | influence others, how to look and do good, |
| because we so don't believe we are | | | | but we never learned how to even make contact |
| loveable.Does this sound like you? It's most | | | | with what we really feel, much less ever said |
| all of us. We can't, or won't get close | | | | it simply.A woman who can say what she feels, |
| enough to someone who may very well be our | | | | simply, directly, passionately, with energy |
| soulmate because we've never done it. We | | | | and conviction or matter-of-factness will |
| don't know how.When I was an actor, I did not | | | | find her soulmate in record time. And there |
| have access to my emotions. I could pretend | | | | will be nothing to stop him from grabbing her |
| fairly well, and it got me far --I could | | | | and running with it. What Tom Cruise does |
| laugh nearly anytime, but I was completely | | | | publicly over Katie Holmes is not bad, or |
| detached from my anger and pain. An actor | | | | weird, or bizarre. It's the way men are |
| friend told me -- "fake it til you make it." | | | | supposed to behave when they're in love -- |
| Meaning, if I pounded the table hard enough | | | | only we've all forgotten. We're all |
| and long enough with my fist, I'd feel angry. | | | | embarrassed. We're all afraid of intimacy. |
| If I hit my hand with a hammer over and over | | | | What would happen if we behaved as if we |
| again, I'd feel pain. I'd probably cry.I use | | | | weren't?In her packed Los Angeles workshops, |
| some of this "fake it til you make it" | | | | relationship coach, author, speaker and |
| philosophy in teaching women how to express | | | | seminar leader Rori Gwynne teaches women the |
| themselves. Sometimes, just not saying or | | | | completely original, controversial, |
| doing something can trigger the real stuff. | | | | simple-to-do techniques for communication, |
| Sometimes, just not saying or doing something | | | | confidence, and connecting with men that she |
| you've always done in the same situation will | | | | used to turn her own now-glorious |
| change the dynamic of your relationship | | | | eighteen-year marriage around.Visit Rori at |
| forever. Trust creeps in, in small ways. | | | | to get free Tip Sheets, to sign up for the |
| Intimacy takes hold in the spaces between | | | | free, powerful CoachRori Newsletter, and to |
| words. Not speaking not from your heart | | | | see how Rori can help you Turn the |
| leaves room for speaking from your heart. The | | | | Relationship You Have Into the Relationship |
| next time you're tempted to tell your man | | | | you Want. |