| It's possible that most of us have never known | | | | even though you know how to do it better than |
| true intimacy from the moment we came into | | | | he does--stop yourself. Stop talking. See what |
| the world. We've been labeled, taught, cajoled and | | | | happens.So what do you do when you've stopped |
| prodded, been threatened by all forms of | | | | talking? How do you communicate anything? The |
| authority, told what's true and what isn't, and | | | | simple answer is to use an "I feel" message. This |
| disrespected for everything from our feelings to | | | | sounds easy. In a book, it would sound easy. But |
| our thoughts. Our relationships have been more | | | | it's probably something you don't really have |
| about pleasing others than pleasing ourselves. | | | | words for. Starting with "I feel" is the perfect |
| More about struggling and using our wits to get | | | | start, but what then?Go with what's really there. |
| what we need and what we think we want than | | | | Feel the floor under your feet. Feel the table in |
| discovering what it is we really want.Sometimes | | | | front of you. Feel your heart beat, you're |
| we need someone else to tell us that it's okay to | | | | stomach gurgle, the tightness in your chest that's |
| want what we want. Sometimes we only | | | | there because you're mad, or upset, or |
| accidentally discover that the person we really | | | | frustrated, or giddy, and you don't know what to |
| are, warts and all, underneath all the masks and | | | | say. Feel the most concrete, real, simple thing you |
| games we've learned to put between ourselves | | | | can, and say that. Just saying, "I'm hungry" is |
| and others, is truly loveable. It can change our | | | | better than "Let's go to that little Italian place, |
| lives forever, or remain a lost opportunity | | | | okay?"This is a game, you say. No, it isn't. It's the |
| forever. Someone sees us -- really sees us -- in a | | | | missing link. The missing piece that we never |
| moment of accidental abandon and their heart fills | | | | learned as children. We learned how to get along, |
| up with love for us. We deny this possibility and | | | | how to influence others, how to look and do |
| push that someone away because we so don't | | | | good, but we never learned how to even make |
| believe we are loveable.Does this sound like you? | | | | contact with what we really feel, much less ever |
| It's most all of us. We can't, or won't get close | | | | said it simply.A woman who can say what she |
| enough to someone who may very well be our | | | | feels, simply, directly, passionately, with energy |
| soulmate because we've never done it. We don't | | | | and conviction or matter-of-factness will find her |
| know how.When I was an actor, I did not have | | | | soulmate in record time. And there will be nothing |
| access to my emotions. I could pretend fairly well, | | | | to stop him from grabbing her and running with it. |
| and it got me far --I could laugh nearly anytime, | | | | What Tom Cruise does publicly over Katie Holmes |
| but I was completely detached from my anger | | | | is not bad, or weird, or bizarre. It's the way men |
| and pain. An actor friend told me -- "fake it til you | | | | are supposed to behave when they're in love -- |
| make it." Meaning, if I pounded the table hard | | | | only we've all forgotten. We're all embarrassed. |
| enough and long enough with my fist, I'd feel | | | | We're all afraid of intimacy. What would happen if |
| angry. If I hit my hand with a hammer over and | | | | we behaved as if we weren't?In her packed Los |
| over again, I'd feel pain. I'd probably cry.I use | | | | Angeles workshops, relationship coach, author, |
| some of this "fake it til you make it" philosophy in | | | | speaker and seminar leader Rori Gwynne teaches |
| teaching women how to express themselves. | | | | women the completely original, controversial, |
| Sometimes, just not saying or doing something | | | | simple-to-do techniques for communication, |
| can trigger the real stuff. Sometimes, just not | | | | confidence, and connecting with men that she |
| saying or doing something you've always done in | | | | used to turn her own now-glorious eighteen-year |
| the same situation will change the dynamic of | | | | marriage around.Visit Rori at to get free Tip |
| your relationship forever. Trust creeps in, in small | | | | Sheets, to sign up for the free, powerful |
| ways. Intimacy takes hold in the spaces between | | | | CoachRori Newsletter, and to see how Rori can |
| words. Not speaking not from your heart leaves | | | | help you Turn the Relationship You Have Into the |
| room for speaking from your heart. The next | | | | Relationship you Want. |
| time you're tempted to tell your man what to do, | | | | |