| Mark and JoAnne are the parents of a daughter | | | | more beneficial to understand the signs and |
| who recently graduated eighth grade and will | | | | symptoms of those who are affected.Children |
| be attending high school. The girl is a | | | | with low self-esteem may be overly shy, but |
| straight "A" student and though slated to | | | | others may have a tendency to be bullies, or |
| attend public school, her parents felt that | | | | show aggression with younger siblings or |
| she will have better social influences and | | | | peers. Most are also prone to have strong or |
| curriculum at a p rivate school believing | | | | exaggerated emotional responses to |
| that her recent rebellion and acting out | | | | frustration, hold grudges, perseverate on |
| sexual behavior with boys was a reflection on | | | | their appearance, or focus on things that |
| her previous school setting. In order for | | | | they perceive to be unfair, such as a friend, |
| them to ensure she was in the best possible | | | | a sibling with more toys, privileges or |
| environment, Mark and JoAnne attended the | | | | attention, etc. As they get older, they may |
| parent and teacher conference at the private | | | | deal with their inferiority by feigning |
| school.The focus of the meeting was to | | | | sickness to avoid school or social situations |
| reassure parents that the school had a strong | | | | and are more likely to engage in high risk |
| curriculum with the proper emphasis on the | | | | behaviors - everything from sexually acting |
| three R's, as well as other academic building | | | | out, eating disorders, shoplifting, smoking, |
| blocks. When the parents left the meeting | | | | using drugs, or underachieving. Emotionally, |
| they were ecstatic. When they told their | | | | they may feel undo stress for children of a |
| daughter of the pending change in schools, | | | | similar age and feel pressure from activities |
| however, her reaction was dramatic. Her | | | | that others would consider recreational, or |
| defiance increased and the sexual acting out | | | | social.As parents, it is also important to |
| became more frequent and blatant. She was | | | | understand that low self-esteem is also an |
| even arrested for shoplifting. After a month | | | | emotional condition with deep roots and not |
| of family turmoil they turned to counseling. | | | | solely a cognitive disorder. There is a |
| After a short period of time it was clear | | | | tendency for parents to "talk away," or |
| that the parents' focus on academic building | | | | attempt to rationally explain to their |
| blocks and seemingly natural academic path | | | | children why they "should" feel good about |
| for a straight "A" student was at the expense | | | | themselves. However, attempting to convince |
| of recognizing that an equally essential | | | | the child they should feel differently is |
| building block to ensure their daughter's | | | | ineffective, though some reality testing with |
| success in life was missing. She had no | | | | clinical finesse may be incorporated into |
| self-esteem.The ability to feel self worth is | | | | family discussions. This approach is more |
| an essential human survival skill. It | | | | likely to teach the child to better hide |
| provides the necessary sense of competence, | | | | their feelings of inadequacies, replace |
| motivation and ability to deal with those | | | | parental communication with mistrust and keep |
| things and people that complicate the art of | | | | outside appearances flawless. Instead, we can |
| living life to its highest potential. Without | | | | nurture our children's esteem by providing |
| self-esteem the ability to successfully | | | | our children with a loving and nurturing |
| navigate life's hurdles is greatly | | | | environment and keeping good lines of |
| diminished. People with low or no self-esteem | | | | communication. It is also essential to keep |
| are more likely to retaliate against life's | | | | challenging their abilities by teaching them |
| stresses because there is a tendency for them | | | | how to navigate life's hurdles, rather than |
| to attach their self worth to each and every | | | | how to avoid them, all while setting |
| event they experience; everything is | | | | realistic limits and consequences. In extreme |
| personalized and the necessary rational and | | | | cases, professional intervention can be |
| strategic solutions to a problem are | | | | effective in teaching the child and family |
| circumvented.Lack of self-worth is also an | | | | how to accommodate feelings of low |
| equal opportunity destroyer, impacting the | | | | self-esteem.You may reprint or publish this |
| entire spectrum of economic and social | | | | article freely as long as you include a |
| classes. Unlike a case of measles, it may not | | | | visible, active link to and the author |
| be easily detected. Previously, people with | | | | bio.David Aronshohn is a doctor of psychology |
| low esteem were more easily recognized by | | | | and licensed marriage and family therapist. |
| their acute withdrawal or aberrant behavior, | | | | He maintains a private and corporate |
| all of which may still exist. However, many | | | | consultation practice out of Westlake |
| current sufferers of this condition present a | | | | Village, CA. 818/735-0428. To read more |
| competent and unaffected exterior, while on | | | | articles by David visit advice in this |
| the inside they live a life of internal | | | | article is not meant to act as professional |
| turmoil and fear.Where does self-esteem come | | | | advice, or counseling for your particular set |
| from? Some clinicians feel that a child's | | | | of circumstances. It is designed for general |
| personality is pre-disposed, while others | | | | knowledge. It is recommended that if you feel |
| feel that it can be instilled and taught the | | | | you need individual assistance for you or |
| same way any cognitive task can be | | | | your family, you seek the advice and |
| incorporated. It seems more accurate that | | | | intervention of a licensed professional that |
| there is a healthy combination of both | | | | can provide help for your particular set of |
| polarized views. Though the etiology of the | | | | circumstances. |
| condition is important, for parents it is | | | | |