| > | | | | for most parents as we often place far more |
| Disagreements between parents are common and | | | | importance on things than they really warrant. |
| can be very damaging for children. However, if | | | | The list of examples here is endless, but let's just |
| handled correctly, they can not only strengthen a | | | | look at one. What time should your child go to |
| marriage but provide a valuable training ground for | | | | bed? |
| your children. | | | | Most parents would agree that it is extremely |
| Disagreement between parents are common, as | | | | important that a child gets a good night's sleep |
| is evidenced by a divorce rate which is now close | | | | and would also agree that sending an eleven year |
| to 50% in the United States, but the secret to | | | | old to bed at eight o'clock in the evening or letting |
| successful parenting lies in the way in which such | | | | him go to bed whenever he chooses is not in the |
| disagreements are handled. | | | | child's best interest. But what time should he go |
| One good thing is that whatever parents may | | | | to bed? One parent may feel strongly that he |
| disagree about, in the vast majority of cases, | | | | should be in bed by nine o'clock while the other |
| they will agree that there children should not be | | | | might consider that this is too early and that ten |
| caught up in their disagreements and this provides | | | | o'clock would be more appropriate. One thing is |
| an excellent starting point for creating a strategy | | | | fairly certain though and that is that the child will |
| to deal with disagreements. | | | | almost certainly prefer to go to bed later rather |
| Dealing with disagreement is not easy and it | | | | than earlier. |
| requires a great deal of thought, patience, | | | | This might seem like a trivial issue when you read |
| maturity, tact and a host of other qualities. | | | | it in black and white, but it's surprising just how |
| Perhaps most important of all however it requires | | | | many parents almost come to blows over this |
| an ability to put things into perspective and to | | | | particular question. The answer is of course that it |
| approach problems both reasonably and | | | | is trivial and, whatever you decide, the outcome is |
| realistically. | | | | anything but set in concrete. |
| Disagreement often sparks high emotion and | | | | Suppose for example that you feel strongly that |
| leads at best to irritation and at worst to | | | | ten o'clock is simply too late and that the child is |
| extreme anger. Wherever you find yourself along | | | | not going to get enough sleep. Rather than cause |
| this scale it will certainly affect your view of the | | | | a disagreement why not simply voice your opinion |
| situation giving rise to the disagreement and | | | | and then give it a try. If after a few days it's |
| affect your objectivity. | | | | clear that the child isn't getting enough sleep and is |
| The first thing that you must do whenever a | | | | having difficulty getting up in the morning and |
| problem looms is to recognize that your spouse | | | | lacks energy during the day, then it's easy enough |
| may well have a different point of view, but that | | | | to bring his bedtime forward again. |
| this is a view which they will nonetheless hold for | | | | Very few issues in life are of such fundamental |
| good reason and is a view that is no less valid | | | | importance that it is impossible to reach a |
| than your own. As such their thoughts on the | | | | compromise and, in most cases, decisions can be |
| subject should be respected and given due | | | | reversed if they turn out to have been the |
| consideration alongside your own opinion. | | | | wrong decision. |
| The second thing to consider is the nature of the | | | | One other very important factor to consider is |
| problem itself. It is surprising just how worked up | | | | that the way in which you handle disagreements |
| we can get about issues which are really quite | | | | sends a very strong message to your children. |
| trivial. If the outcome is quite inconsequential then | | | | It's good for children to see that mom and dad |
| is it worth getting into a fight about it. If you | | | | have different opinions and that they don't always |
| decide that you want blue curtains in the spare | | | | agree on everything, but it's more important for |
| bedroom and your spouse wants green curtains | | | | them to see that each respects the views of the |
| it's hardly worth falling out over it, especially if the | | | | other and is prepared to listen, discuss and, if |
| spare room is probably only going to be used as a | | | | necessary, to compromise. Not only does this |
| storeroom anyway. | | | | approach lead to a happier home environment, |
| The real problem comes when you disagree | | | | but it also provides the child with an excellent |
| about something which you consider to be of | | | | lesson and model to follow. |
| particular importance and herein lies the difficulty | | | | |