How Not To Get Published

How Not To Get Publishedrush in on the adrenalinehigh that authors know so
well, then get rejected and give up.
If someone had told me in 2000 that I'd publishWhat defines a great story? That depends on
four books inwhich reader youask. If you're writing a story
2001, I'd have called him an eejit.that moves you, someonesomewhere with similar
The last time I'd been published was 1989, andtastes will like it. Some stories willbe more popular
that doesn'tcount because I paid someone to dothan others, but almost every story will
it. I'd long since given upon getting published again.beconsidered great by someone. But if it's badly
In fact, I doubted I'd ever writeagain.written, thereader will simply put the book down
By now you may wonder how I made it fromand read something else.
Point A to Point B.As a teenaged author, gathering up enough
Or for that matter, why I stopped writing.rejection slips towallpaper the room, I didn't give
The second part is simple. I was chasing money,up. I just got arrogant anddecided "You don't
becoming ahigh-powered businessman and losingunderstand me, ya eejit." That's nosolution. Nor is
myself. The first part isa little more difficult topaying to be published.
explain.Nope, if you want to get published, learn how to
In December 1999, I flew to Hong Kong for atell yourstory. Spelling, grammar, punctuation,
vacation. Thefirst vacation in my life, really. Ipacing, dialogue... allthat stuff you may have slept
intended to stay for amonth. Instead, I marriedthrough in high school will becomesecond nature
an Australian who taught English there.with enough practice.
I quit my job in North Carolina by email.I did quite well in high school English, by the way,
I found myself unable to legally work in Hongbut it'snot like they taught pacing and dialogue and
Kong. So what wasreal story-telling there. To learn those, you've
I to do with my time? I dusted off a childhoodgotta read. But that's noproblem for an author. If
dream and resumedwriting.you don't enjoy reading, you can'twrite something
I had a slush pile full of old short stories, and I ranthat others will enjoy reading.
themthrough the on-line writing workshops. ThereAlso, you must listen to the criticisms. Accept
are two parts towriting--story and style. I wasn'tsome andreject others, but always listen. I believe
changing my stories--they camefrom me andthe Internet makesit much easier to get those
were what I wanted to write--but my stylecriticisms.
waspathetic. Style is also the part that can beI work as an editor now, and one of my authors
learned. So I did.told me that hesees movies inside his head. It
Then came something that amazed me. Newshows in his writing! I don'twrite that way,
stories. Mixing with theunfortunately, but I still know how he feels.
"writing culture" got my creative juices flowingWhen "the Muse" pays me a visit, I've gotta write
again. After allthose years. Better than ever, init down asfast as it comes to me. That's the one
fact.part that can't bepackaged, taught or
Next, I published them. Between March andmass-produced. That part comes from you,the
December 2000, Ipublished twenty stories inauthor, and no one else can do it the way that
twenty different e-zines. I onlymade $6, but Iyou do.
was building my resume. I believed that I hadKurt Vonnegut, whose works I greatly admire,
ashort story anthology in me, and I'd decided towrites onesentence at a time, and makes each
try publishingit. I felt I needed a "track record," soone perfect before hebegins the next. But I don't
I got one.write like that, nor do most ofthe authors I know.
I also had a novel in my slush pile. A grippingWe just let it fly, then go back and fixit later.
imaginativestory, badly told. But I'd finally learnedBut if you don't want to get published, don't go
about the craft, thestructure, and the hard workback and fixit. Pass that raw copy around to your
that comes after that originalflash of inspiration.friends and family andlet them tell you how
You see where I'm leading by now. I wrote twowonderful it is for fear of hurting yourfeelings.
new novels, andsigned contracts to publish allThen send it to the publishers and collect
three novels plus the newshort story collection intherejection letters. That's what I did in my
2001.younger days, and Iwasn't published.
It's a common sight among new writers, andIt took me twenty years to learn my lesson. It
really it's a bitsad. People who have the story--thewould genuinelymake me feel good to hear that
part that can't belearned--but tell it badly. Theymost writers aren't takingquite so long.